Feel Better in the Mourning™ :
Sample Activities
You deserve a better taste in
your mouth.
Even if recording the raw details of your loss feels like swallowing a bitter
pill, be assured that most pills do make us feel better. Remember that creative
self-expression needs to have no other purpose than to provide an opportunity
to listen to yourself. Make every effort to approach any of these suggestions
without perfectionism. Try to eliminate the censor as much as possible.
Activity #1: After someone dies, most of us
need to tell the story of what happened, as seen through our eyes. If writing
a long, drawn-out story feels overwhelming or intimidating, try writing
a poem that is simply an accumulation of the headlines, specific to what
happened when your beloved died. Here is a generic example:
The horrible news.
Disbelief. Denial.
Waiting.
Relief. Maybe.
More bad news.
Even more bad news.
Hope diminishes.
Drastic last-ditch efforts.
Holding our breath.
Last breath.
Gone.
Aftermath.
Activity #2: What
words or pronouns now have new meaning? Make two lists
that illustrate the changes in status … as well
as feelings. You can make this into a collage if you want,
with images that portray all of the changes you are weathering.
Here is an example:
| |
Then |
|
Now |
| |
|
|
|
| |
Husband
Breadwinner
Diner
Competent
Devoted
Cocky
Father
Married
Our
We |
|
Widower
Housekeeper
Chef
Bumbling
Lost
Humble
Single Parent
Single
My
Me
|
| |
|
|
|
Activity #3: Practice
asking for what you want. Pick two or three people you
could ask for support this week. Write down your request
first if needed. Work toward being as clear and concrete
as possible. Here are some examples of fuzzy versus clear
requests.
Fuzzy: "Oh,
just knowing you're there for me is so helpful."
Clear: "My most difficult time is between 4 and
7pm. Would you give me a call during that time?"
Fuzzy: "Everyone's
telling me to remember to eat."
Clear: "Would you come over and fix me a bowl
of soup for lunch?"
Fuzzy: "My
head is dizzy from all of the different suggestions
people have given me."
Clear: "I don't need more suggestions. I just
need to hear myself talk; can you listen?"
Activity #4: It's
hard to get past despair or feeling stuck in the mire
of grief. Sometimes this interferes with our will to
keep on living. Design your own "Don't Quit" plaque.
Use photographs that will instantly remind you of why
you don't want to quit. Add a list with at least ten "Reasons
to Carry On" if you want.
|
