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Out
on a Limb |
A
Monthly Newsletter from Martha Clark Scala |
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Invest
in bringing joy back to your life. |
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February
2008 |
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Welcome
to Out on a Limb,
a monthly newsletter from Martha Clark Scala. This free e-zine
is meant to invite and inspire you to maximize the joy in
your life.
To
Subscribe, click
here.
The
Biggest Uncertainty
I must
give co-author credit for this month’s newsletter
to my Mom. Back in mid-January, my plan for this February
newsletter was to address the topic of cultivating joy while
dealing with uncertainty. My biggest uncertainty was rather
daunting: I had no way of knowing how the final chapter of
my 88-year old Mom’s life would end. Would this life
story include hospital visits, illness, nursing homes, round-the-clock
care? I knew I wasn’t the author, and I wasn’t
the editor or publisher so I had to sit back and be a concerned
reader.
If you
knew my Mom, it wouldn’t be news to you that
she authored her own life right until its end. She refused
hospitalization, saying “I’m 88 years old,
if I die at home tonight, that’s okay with me.” In
fact, she made it through one more night, and died on January
26th, at home, with her animals. It was exactly how she’d
scripted it. My sister and I were taken by surprise; we
both thought she would live into her 90’s, like her
father did. But that’s not what Mom wanted: she had
recently stated to us that she didn’t want to live
past 90. And she didn’t. If Mom were still around,
she’d be high-fiving us for pulling off such an uncomplicated
ending. I couldn’t be more proud of a woman whose
fierce independence and fortitude were, and continue to
be, sheer inspiration. |
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| Messages
Left Behind
Taped
to my Mom’s desk was a photo of one of her heroes:
Boston Globe columnist Donald Murray, who died a few
years ago. Next to the photo was the following quote
from Dr. Christiaan Barnard:
“Suffering
isn’t ennobling. Recovering is.”
I
take this message left behind by Mom as our blueprint
for grieving this loss. Very recently, I’d told
Mom that no matter when she died, it was going to be
very hard for me. She didn’t have much patience
for this, often reminding me that dying would be better
than lingering on and on with diminishing capacities
and independence. I couldn’t argue that. So yes,
it does stink that she’s gone and she clearly
would insist that the emphasis be on recovering. I’m
taking lessons. |
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Donald
Murray & Dr. Christiaan Barnard
I
don’t think Mom’s “desk messages” were
random:
Murray
wrote extremely candid stories about being the caregiver
for his wife, Minnie, who had a debilitating illness.
Mom often told me she felt he was a kindred spirit
because he knew the challenges she faced in taking
care of my Dad prior to his death three years ago.
Dr.
Christiaan Barnard performed the world’s first
successful human-to-human heart transplant in 1967.
Mom’s son/my brother, Nick, received a heart
transplant in 1985.
We
never know who might derive inspiration from our words
and deeds, do we? Ah, more uncertainty. |
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Feather
and Bandit Snoozing. |
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From
Uncertainty to Joy …
Mom
had two cats and a dog. We were immediately faced with
the challenge of finding new homes for three pets,
all over 10 years old. My sister adopted the two cats
even though we had concerns about Mom’s favorite.
Feather used to hiss and claw at my sister. Now, she
sleeps on my sister’s bed, purrs up a storm,
and keeps the other cat, Stoney, company. Mom would
never have predicted this good outcome!
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From
Uncertainty to Joy, 2 …
Bandit,
a 10-year old Miniature Schnauzer, got clearance from his
vet to fly to San Francisco, so he came home with me. Bandy
has 2 new cat buddies, and they’re not yet sure if
they like him, but he’s a very happy Californian,
now. Mom used to walk Bandy 4 times a day (yes, at 88 years
old) so we have a legacy to uphold. The walks afford a
nice opportunity to remember many walks with Mom over the
years, and that brings joy commingled with sorrow and uncertainty. |
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Joy-Gram for February
Gosh,
February is almost over already! Inside Mom’s desk,
I found a quote she had saved on walking and I invite you
to click here if you’d like to read it. For the remainder
of this month, and for the months to come, I urge you to
discover and relish the joys of walking! The photo above
was taken during a walk at Sandy Neck Beach in West Barnstable,
Mass. Mom was 84 at the time. |
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Disclaimer
By no means
do I have joy “figured out.” Please do not assume
that I do! I write Out On a Limb as much as a meditation for
myself in the ongoing pursuit of joy, as for you. I think this
pursuit is a lifelong journey and that the full experience
of joy is, at best, episodic. May we all have more episodes! |
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Martha Clark Scala, MFT • 721 Colorado Ave., Suite 201, Palo Alto, CA 94303 •
info@MCScala.com
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